Married 8 years

I know this is four days late, but I've been busy. I can't believe that it has been eight years. So much has happened. I am married to the best man in the world and I have three beautiful children. I love my life and I look forward to many more years ahead.

Taxes, Taxes, Oh Where Do My Taxes Go?

I got a kick out of these two jokes/analogies about taxes & the economic stimulus package.

The Economic Stimulus Package
This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala
(unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America.

You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

---

Barstool Economics

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first (poor) would pay nothing.
The second (poor) would pay nothing.
The third (poor) would pay nothing.
the fourth (poor) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers, he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes, so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.

But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay And so:
The first would still pay nothing.
The second would still pay nothing.
The third would still pay nothing.
The fourth would still pay nothing.
The fifth man now paid nothing (100% savings)
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before.
And the first four continued to drink for free.
But once outside the restaurant the men began to compare their savings.
I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!'

'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!' That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!' 'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important.

They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works!!

The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

by David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics, University of Georgia

Yep! I'm A Conservative. Now Where's My [Root]Beer?

I get funny things from people all the time, and every now & then I run across one that I think is "Blogable".

If you've ever met me or known me for a while, you probably know that I have typically "conservative" views. I'm a Republican and a capitalist. Don't really care much for socialism. Think Big Government is just a way to tax me more and think a more "hands-off" approach is better. Yep. I believe in the free economy.

My view on the banks? Let em fail! They were stupid enough to loan people money that could never pay the money back.

My view on all the people that bought houses they couldn't afford & want the government to bail them out. Tough cookies. That's why they teach you to read the fine print folks.

My view on the American Auto Companies, Let em fail! They built crappy cars and whined when no one bought them.

Before reading this, it should be noted that while I don't drink beer, I do, however love a nice, tall glass of cold ROOT Beer.

So, with that, I present
HISTORY LESSON - 2009
For those who don't know about history ... here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboy's, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self...

"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have"---Thomas Jefferson

Canon Rebel XSi DSLR Camera - Wow! What a camera!

In about November of last year I finally decided to replace my Olympus C-5050 digital camera. I bought it in 2003 when Emily was born & used the crap out of the thing (when it was all said & done I think I'd taken over 15,000 pictures with it).

Anyway, the battery cover wasn't working anymore, the hand grip was long gone, and, well, it needed to be replaced....

Enter the Nikon D40.
As I started researching camera's, I became enamored with the Nikon D40 DSLR. Mainly because of a website that just gushed with praise over it (http://www.kenrockwell.com) and others....

Anyway, my main goal for a camera is for product photography. I really don't care about lenses, flashes, or all the other things they can do. I just need a camera that can take a super crisp, super sharp picture for my business (http://www.utahbio.com).

Initially, the D40 seemed to be doing well, but I kept noticing super fuzzy images no matter how hard I tried to focus the thing.

Lot's more reading & studying.....
Enter the ultimate product photography camera.
The Canon Rebel XSi!

Holy Crap! This thing is just amazing!
It comes with an 18-55 Image Stabilized Lens and a sweet camera body.

The Nikon is a lot easier to use, feels better in my hands, and just feels a little more substantial. The menu's are easier to use too on the Nikon....but...and this is the important part....the image quality from the Canon just blows the Nikon clean out of the water!

Within a couple of hours I was able to shoot some of the most amazingly sharp pictures I'd seen. Now THIS is what I'd wanted!

Another really cool feature about the XSi's (and most of Canon's camera's) is the ability to "tether" them to a computer to shoot with.

In otherwords, imagine the camera up on a tripod, USB cable hooked to it & the other end into a computer. On the computer you load software that allows you to control the camera. On the monitor you're able to see what the camera's seeing. Apparently, most Canon digital camera's can do this (even the small point and shoot ones). Don't know, haven't tried those yet.

But here's where the XSi REALLY shines!
You can Micro focus it with a computer!

So imagine that your now looking at your laptop that's hooked up to the camera and you're seeing what the camera see's on the laptop. With a quick click of some buttons you can manually adjust the focus on the camera. MUCH, MUCH more accurately than any human hand could do (I mean these are MICRO movements!).

I set up a shot, turned on the lights (I have special photo lights), put the product in front of the camera, turned on the laptop and was just amazed at how clear I could get the photos! "Now THIS is cool!"

The XSi also has LiveView on it too (meaning you can look at the screen & see what the lens is seeing. This is kind of rare in a DSLR, but a really nice treat. While many of you may be familiar with point & shoot digital camera's where live view is standard, DSLR's don't normally have that feature (because there's a mirror that has to get flipped up in order for the sensor to see through the lens).

Anyway, having that feature plus being able to hook it up to a computer & see the photo on a much bigger screen now allows me to shoot much, much more sharp pictures that are in focus.

So, if you're looking for a camera that's ideal for shooting product photography (you know, stuff you may want to sell online), this thing is the cat's meow!

I'll be getting a 50 mm Prime Lens for it soon as well as I hear that's even sharper than the cheap kit lens that comes with it, but man, I'm totally sold! Just utterly amazing!

Soo.....with that, Hello Canon! Good-bye Nikon!

It's good to have a tool that works again!

-Graydon
Canon XSi fan!

The Wisdom Of A Child

This was sent to me in an email and I loved it & thought many of you might as well...

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Hope you enjoyed!
-Graydon

"Are your ears glued shut?"

I think Emily's ears are glued shut....well, only when she's asked to do things that is.

I don't know if it's a phase that she's going through or what, but lately, when she's asked to do something (pick something up, lower her voice, go to the bathroom, etc) she just acts like she doesn't hear you. When the issue is forced, she gets upset.

I think she could win the drama queen award for the child that puts up the loudest fits over the smallest things too. It's amazing because when the issue IS pressed, and we finally think she's heard us she goes into this tyrade & you'd think you'd asked her to do the worst thing in the world.

She's also has this thing for hitting her brother lately. Her poor Jasmine doll has been taken away more than she's been able to play with it lately too (if she hits, she loses Jasmine). You'd think she'd catch on...

I'm sure it's just a phase, but Bill Cosby had it right when he said "Children have brain damage". I never realized just how true the things he said were until having children. The man knew what he was talking about.

I'm hoping this is just a phase she's going through though & soon the ears will open back up, but for now she's using some awfully strong super glue to keep em shut...

In other news, she now dresses herself all by herself. She lays her clothes out the night before & before she even comes upstairs for the morning, she gets all dressed & ready for school. She's really growing up.

Josh is even getting in on the action by laying out his clothes too (he loves to do what big sister does). He even picked out a whole outfit one day unbeknown to mom. He's sure growing up as well & SLOWLY figuring out the whole potty thing for #2.

Laurie is also becoming more & more independent all the time. She now can scale the stairs on her own and can hold her own when playing with her brother & sister. She loves to laugh & smile and is doing well. She's getting really close to the 20 lb mark & we're really excited because then she can sit forward in the car, which I'm sure will thrill her to no end because then she'll be able to see the movies her brother & sister are watching.

Yep! They're all growing up....now if we can just figure out how to get the glue off Emily's ears we'll be set!

The Only REAL Reason For Watching The Superbowl....

....is for the commercials.

I'm a nut for good advertising and am always impressed by what comes out at the Superbowl. This is the time when companies spend the kitty to make some of the most brilliant advertising commercials in the world.

You can watch all of them here:
http://www.youtube.com/adblitz

Here's my all time favorites from this round though.

"If Roadies Ran The Airlines" by Sprint


"Bridgestone Tires On The Moon"


This one was just stupid....
"Cash For Gold"


Anyway, another round of pretty good advertising. It was obvious that this year the spending money was low though with several advertisers. Several of the ads just didn't have that "Superbowl Pizazz" they usually have had in the past, but there were still some pretty good zingers.

Good stuff all around.
-Graydon