These are just classic!
I laughed so hard my sides hurt...
Enjoy!
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted part which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE BUFFING WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ''What the...??''
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they ca also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
WELDING GLOVES:
Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit, that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut perfectly good sheet stock into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
See hacksaw.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, nowadays the hammer is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC''S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, CDs and DVDs, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while wearing them.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Taxed Clear To Your Death....Seriously!
Seeing as it's tax season.....
Enjoy!
=============
At first I thought this was funny...then I realized, perhaps, the awful truth of it to some degree. Something to ponder! Be sure to read all the way to the end.
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.
Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
To my doom...'
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge T ax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What in the hell happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'
And I still have to 'press 1' for English!?
I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times!!!
YOU can help it get there!!!
GO AHEAD - - - BE AN AMERICAN!!!
Enjoy!
=============
At first I thought this was funny...then I realized, perhaps, the awful truth of it to some degree. Something to ponder! Be sure to read all the way to the end.
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.
Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
To my doom...'
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge T ax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What in the hell happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'
And I still have to 'press 1' for English!?
I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times!!!
YOU can help it get there!!!
GO AHEAD - - - BE AN AMERICAN!!!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Letter From Boss To Employess....
After just going through tax season myself, I can say I fully understand this guy's predicament.
==================================================================
To All My Valued Employees:
There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job, however, is the changing political landscape in this country.
However, let me tell you little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.
First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a Back Story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You've seen my home at last years Christmas party. I'm sure: all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up idealized thoughts about my life.
However, what you don't see is the Back Story
I started this company 23 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.
My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I saved went back into the company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission.
I didn't have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business - hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.
Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes.
Instead of hitting Nordstrom's for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the discount store extracting any cloths that didn't look like it was birthed in the '70's. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.
So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don't. There is no "off" button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have that freedom. I eat, and breath this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend.
There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a year old special needs child. You of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations......you never realize the Back Story and the sacrifices I've made.
Now the economy is failing apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail out all the people who didn't. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed decades of my life for.
Yes, business ownership has its benefits, but the price I've paid is steep and not without wounds.
Unfortunately, the cost of running this business and employing you is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:
I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough. I have state taxes, Federal taxes, Property Taxes, Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes, Workers compensation taxes, Unemployment taxes. Taxes on Taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulates and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote check to the US treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" check was? Zero, Nada, Zilch!
The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 23 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? Obviously, Government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country.
The fact is, if I deducted 50% of your paycheck you'd quit and wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you? That's nuts. Who wants to get rewarded for only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.
Here is what many of you don't understand. To Stimulate the economy, you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.
When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't defibrillate and shock his thumb, thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart business, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.
So where am I going with all this?
Its quite simple.
If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.
Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I'm done.
I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.
So, if you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about.
Signed,
The Boss
==================================================================
To All My Valued Employees:
There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job, however, is the changing political landscape in this country.
However, let me tell you little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.
First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a Back Story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You've seen my home at last years Christmas party. I'm sure: all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up idealized thoughts about my life.
However, what you don't see is the Back Story
I started this company 23 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.
My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I saved went back into the company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission.
I didn't have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business - hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.
Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes.
Instead of hitting Nordstrom's for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the discount store extracting any cloths that didn't look like it was birthed in the '70's. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.
So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don't. There is no "off" button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have that freedom. I eat, and breath this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend.
There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a year old special needs child. You of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations......you never realize the Back Story and the sacrifices I've made.
Now the economy is failing apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail out all the people who didn't. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed decades of my life for.
Yes, business ownership has its benefits, but the price I've paid is steep and not without wounds.
Unfortunately, the cost of running this business and employing you is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:
I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough. I have state taxes, Federal taxes, Property Taxes, Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes, Workers compensation taxes, Unemployment taxes. Taxes on Taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulates and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote check to the US treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" check was? Zero, Nada, Zilch!
The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 23 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? Obviously, Government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country.
The fact is, if I deducted 50% of your paycheck you'd quit and wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you? That's nuts. Who wants to get rewarded for only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.
Here is what many of you don't understand. To Stimulate the economy, you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.
When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't defibrillate and shock his thumb, thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart business, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.
So where am I going with all this?
Its quite simple.
If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.
Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I'm done.
I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.
So, if you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about.
Signed,
The Boss
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Math Over The Ages....
This was hilariously funny! (and sad but true all at the same time).
I received this funny story from a friend.
Just a commentary on "counting out change".....when I worked as a waiter, a very sharp waitress taught me how to count back change with exact precision (and with no calculator what so ever). I can still do it to this day to the exact penny regardless of how much the bill is, how much someone hands me or how complicated I have to be in giving them cash back. My customers get a kick out of it these days).
And now we present Math Through The Ages....
FIFTY YEARS OF MATH:
2009 (in the USA )
Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $ 2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters , but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.
Why do I tell you this?
Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
1. Teaching Math In 1950s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?
2. Teaching Math In 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80.
Did he make a profit?
4. Teaching Math In 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok. )
6. Teaching Math In 2009
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
OK, now a joke on #5.
When I served a mission in the 90's in Oregon, I served in the logging town of Astoria, Oregon. One of the mission leaders had a bumper sticker on the back of his truck that summed up the whole logging situation at that time quite pointedly.
It went like this:
"Due to the lack of wood & paper products, wipe your ass on a spotted owl!" I still laugh every time I see the picture I took of it.
I received this funny story from a friend.
Just a commentary on "counting out change".....when I worked as a waiter, a very sharp waitress taught me how to count back change with exact precision (and with no calculator what so ever). I can still do it to this day to the exact penny regardless of how much the bill is, how much someone hands me or how complicated I have to be in giving them cash back. My customers get a kick out of it these days).
And now we present Math Through The Ages....
FIFTY YEARS OF MATH:
2009 (in the USA )
Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $ 2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters , but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.
Why do I tell you this?
Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
1. Teaching Math In 1950s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?
2. Teaching Math In 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80.
Did he make a profit?
4. Teaching Math In 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok. )
6. Teaching Math In 2009
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
OK, now a joke on #5.
When I served a mission in the 90's in Oregon, I served in the logging town of Astoria, Oregon. One of the mission leaders had a bumper sticker on the back of his truck that summed up the whole logging situation at that time quite pointedly.
It went like this:
"Due to the lack of wood & paper products, wipe your ass on a spotted owl!" I still laugh every time I see the picture I took of it.
Monday, February 23, 2009
A Really Cool Painter
I receive some pretty cool emails from customers....
Check out these before & after pictures.
These were all done by a single painter working alone.
Before....
After....
Before...
After....
Before...
After...
Before...
After...
Before....
During...
After...
Amazing!
Check out these before & after pictures.
These were all done by a single painter working alone.
Before....
After....
Before...
After....
Before...
After...
Before...
After...
Before....
During...
After...
Amazing!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Monster Trucks and Amtrak Trains
This post is a couple of weeks overdue. On Friday, 13 February, Graydon and Josh went to see a Monster Truck Show. They went with Jared and Lincoln, Daniel and Andrew, Daniel and Michael, and Max.
Josh was so excited, but the funniest thing was that he fell asleep. Graydon says that he refused to wear earplugs and fell asleep when Graydon had to cover his ears to muffle the noise.
After the show Max took them to see the Amtrak trains. Josh was in heaven!
Josh was so excited, but the funniest thing was that he fell asleep. Graydon says that he refused to wear earplugs and fell asleep when Graydon had to cover his ears to muffle the noise.
After the show Max took them to see the Amtrak trains. Josh was in heaven!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Draper Temple Openhouse
On Thursday we went with my sisters to the openhouse of the Draper Temple. They were very well organized, but we still had a little bit of a wait and the kids were not in the mood to wait at all.
They loved the bus ride to the temple and they did very well during the walk-through, until we got to the sealing room. In this room we had to sit and listen to a couple speak to us. Josh did not want to be quiet and was grumpy. Emily kept complaining that she couldn't see. Laurie decided to fall off the chair and scream very loudly.
They also did very well when we went to the church to have cookies and water. Then they were so bad while waiting for the bus to take us back to our van. By the time we got home two of the three were asleep.
Overall it was a great experience. Emily loved the Celestial Room, she calls it "The Prettiest Room". They may have whined a lot, but it did leave and impression that they may remember for a long time. It is a beautiful temple.
Foreign vs. Domestic cars....you reap what you sow...
Lately, I've been thinking about that whole "you reap what you sow" cliche....
Seems in the auto industry it's starting to come to fruition.
I've been a car nut most of my life, but particularly an import car nut for Honda & Toyota.
During my years in college, over and over several of the successful case studies were based on Toyota and how they had set up a TQM (Total Quality Management) system to ensure their products were built right. The system is so good that at any moment anyone on the production line could pull a lever or push a switch & stop the whole line if they saw something wrong. They were that passionate about quality....and it's been paying off nicely!
Honda, to a lesser extent, has also been riding the same TQM wave. Ever since they got started, they've focused on building well built cars that'll last and run for what feels like practically forever.
American Made cars? Well, let's just say they just never seemed to catch on. Ford played the "let's see how cheap we can build a car for" and luckily it's paid off for them but not for long...people are tiring of their Taurus's & F-150's falling apart within a few short years of ownership.
GM is all but done for unless by some miracle they can pull a profit out of their hat. Chrysler is also on a downward spiral. And all because they failed to innovate and deliver the products that the market wanted. You know, good, solid, reliable transportation that didn't eat them alive at the gas pump and actually would hold value for a few years.
I must have caught on to this issue a while back because I've only once owned an American made car.....a 1979 AMC Condord Sedan. Well, ok, I also "technically" owned a Dodge Colt, but that was a Mitsubishi Mirage in Dodge clothing; so it sort of doesn't count (great car by the way).
A few examples:
In 1998 I bought a 1993 Honda Accord Sedan EX with about 70K miles on it for $10,000.00 Yep! That was a lot! And it was one heck of a nice car too!
This is what it looked like in about 2000
Last year I finally sold the car. It wasn't because I'd worn it out or it was getting old or it was falling apart. It was because I hadn't driven it in over 2 months. And that's only because I don't drive much anymore.
Here's what it looked like last summer when I sold it.
What's interesting to point out is that it pretty much looks like it did when I bought it. The paint was still in excellent condition, the body looked great, it wasn't a rust bucket, it still drove incredible (I always did like the way that thing drove!), and everything worked on it! All the power windows, all the accessories, all the bells & whistles, all of it...except the power antennae that I'd disconnected, but that was more my fault. Anyway, the point was that in 2008, a 1993 Honda Accord still can look good.
Now the rest of the story.
It had 225,000 miles on it! The engine ran like a top! It STILL got 29-30 MPG. When I listed it on KSL Classifieds, it was sold in under 48 hours (It would've sold faster but I wouldn't let anyone come & look at it on a Sunday as I'd posted it on a Saturday). My phone rang off the hook for this thing!
So, you're thinking I probably gave it away, right? Nope! I sold it for pretty darn close to full NADA Retail at the time; $2850.00.
So I got 10 years of use out of it, drove the crap out of it, it still looked good, still ran great, and people were calling like crazy to get it. It was 15 years old and they STILL were flocking to get it! Let's see a Chevy, Ford, or Dodge pull that trick!
But wait...the story continues.
About 2 years earlier we sold my wife's car (good riddens!). A 1991 Chevy Corsica (which I DID NOT BUY...I married into!) with a little over 175K miles on it. The car looked good, ran well, and for the most part was probably in better shape than most Chevy Corsica's out there, but we were only able to muster a meager $1400 out of the thing. It even had a nice set of alloy wheels and an upgraded set of seats we'd taken out of a neighbors junked LTZ Corsica.
So, why such a big difference? Well, perception and value.
Honda's have a much better perceived value. People perceive them to be better vehicles; and they are! If you ever take a look at Consumer Reports & compare a Chevy Corsica to a Honda Accord, the difference is a mile wide. The Honda comes out with top scores while the Corsica is near the bottom. Resale value? Same issue...The Honda pretty much retains some of the best resale values in the industry. The Corsica? $1400 measly dollars! And it had less miles, a V6, and better tread on the tires than the Honda!
So was the Honda that much better of a car?
You better believe it! The tranny in the Corsica had the overdrive disabled because if you re-enabled it, it'd stall (faulty electronics). The radiator was leaking. The gas gauge once it got to about a half a tank would start to flop between empty and a half tank. Did I mention that we had to replace the seats? The power windows worked...when they felt like it...and on and on and on.
The car was well taken care of too, yet with less miles it still wore out much faster than the Accord. The Accord still worked great!
So now lets talk about this whole GM Fiasco & what I think of it.
I think GM should be put out to pasture & let die. I think Chrysler should too.
In November, GM came crawling to the Feds, hat in hand, asking for "a meager $18 billion". Last Tuesday, they returned.....the new amount? $30 billion!!! And they say they'll probably need even more! And why is this? Because they're LOSING MONEY!!!!
And why are they losing money? Because no one wants to buy their cars....hmmmm....people are now on a budget; money is tight, and they're choosing to spend more wisely when they buy cars.....hmmmm...let's see, buy the car that'll devalue itself faster than a tire going flat and you'd be lucky to make it to 100K without something falling apart or get a Toyota or Honda & not have to worry about it.
You can see what the public has done. They've finally woken up & realized that GM makes really crappy cars! And now GM is crying to the federal government to bail them out of their loss crying that people will lose jobs and claiming that they're too big to let fail.
Sorry, but the one thing I learned in Business school is that if you run a business in America, it's "survival of the fittest" and I got news for GM...ya ain't all that fit anymore. It's time to die.
Unfortunately, I think the new administration will probably end up forking over some funds to help GM out & try to bail them out because of the democratic party's "pro-union" stance, and that's really sad.
Why? Because while it means it will keep people employed....it will also mean that the Federal Government is subsidizing a losing enterprise that doesn't seem to have any hope of ever turning around. In other words, because GM failed to innovate, they are now going to receive money from the Feds to keep their doors open and guess what? They're going to lose even MORE money! And whose money is that they're now losing? Why it's mine and yours! In the form of our tax dollars! Being pissed away on building cars by a company that can't seem to understand that if you build a crappy car people won't want to buy it given alternatives.
I'm really saddened by the prospect that GM and Chrysler will be "bailed out" by our government. It sends a pretty clear message to other "failing enterprises". Screw up big enough (I guess you have to REALLY screw up too and be REALLY big) and the Feds will step in and give you money that they really never intend to get back.
You know, I really hope they don't give them the money. I really hope they just let the dinosaur die. If GM goes into bankruptcy it would be the best thing in the world for them. It would mean they could restructure, lose the unions, maybe redesign how they do things and actually start building decent cars again that people may actually want to drive.
Until they get it figured out, I won't be visiting their dealership showrooms. Instead, I've chosen to show my patronage to a car company that actually seems to have figured out how to build a decent car. That'd be Toyota.
Now, before you go calling me terrible for buying a "foreign made" vehicle, remember, Toyota now has plants in the US that employ US citizens and they source many of their supplies for these cars from US suppliers. Sorry, I don't buy that line.
Sitting in my driveway right now are two Toyota's. That's all we own now.
A 2004 Toyota Sienna Minivan and a 2005 Toyota Tundra.
I love both of these cars! The Sienna drives like a dream and the Tundra drives even nicer! The engineering that's gone into these cars is just flat out amazing. Everything is put in the right place. The engines run smooth, they both drive extremely comfortably, and their resale value is just amazing!
Maybe down the road GM, Ford, & Chrysler (well, maybe only Ford seeing as GM & Chrysler could soon be a thing of the past) might actually figure it out...but until then, my hard earned money is going to be spent on things that actually will still be working 10-20 years down the road.
I have a feeling a lot more people feel the same way I do. The Toyota Camry has been the best selling car in America now for something like 10 years straight. Their minivans repeatedly take top reviews, and the Tundra is a thing of beauty in Consumer Reports eye (although I'm not enamored by the new Tundra's).
I really do hope that the domestics do get it figured out. It'd be really nice to see that happen, but after going through the 80's where the Japanese auto makers pretty much spanked them hard, then through the 90's where we saw a LITTLE comeback, but nothing strong, and now in the 2000's where they're just about ready to all close up, I just don't think it's getting through their thick skulls.
So, if anyone at GM, Ford, or Chrysler is listening, here's my tip. Build me a car that'll actually last 100,000 miles without it falling apart. Build it out of sheet metal that actually looks nice & that I'd be willing to buy (the Ford Taurus wins the prize for the ugliest car out there--same for the Chrysler Concord thingy, or whatever they call it). GM actually designs pretty nice cars, but I'm still not sold on their quality.
So what started this rant? Well, tonight I climbed into the Tundra & drove over to the local gas station and loved the trip! Everything about that truck rocks! The ride, the sound, the feel, the comfort...all of it. While driving that short trip I got to thinking about the latest headlines on GM & thought, "Yep! Ya really do reap what you sow"....unfortunately GM is trying to get you & I to foot the bill for their irresponsible management. I really hope it doesn't happen.
Graydon
Avid Toyota fan
Seems in the auto industry it's starting to come to fruition.
I've been a car nut most of my life, but particularly an import car nut for Honda & Toyota.
During my years in college, over and over several of the successful case studies were based on Toyota and how they had set up a TQM (Total Quality Management) system to ensure their products were built right. The system is so good that at any moment anyone on the production line could pull a lever or push a switch & stop the whole line if they saw something wrong. They were that passionate about quality....and it's been paying off nicely!
Honda, to a lesser extent, has also been riding the same TQM wave. Ever since they got started, they've focused on building well built cars that'll last and run for what feels like practically forever.
American Made cars? Well, let's just say they just never seemed to catch on. Ford played the "let's see how cheap we can build a car for" and luckily it's paid off for them but not for long...people are tiring of their Taurus's & F-150's falling apart within a few short years of ownership.
GM is all but done for unless by some miracle they can pull a profit out of their hat. Chrysler is also on a downward spiral. And all because they failed to innovate and deliver the products that the market wanted. You know, good, solid, reliable transportation that didn't eat them alive at the gas pump and actually would hold value for a few years.
I must have caught on to this issue a while back because I've only once owned an American made car.....a 1979 AMC Condord Sedan. Well, ok, I also "technically" owned a Dodge Colt, but that was a Mitsubishi Mirage in Dodge clothing; so it sort of doesn't count (great car by the way).
A few examples:
In 1998 I bought a 1993 Honda Accord Sedan EX with about 70K miles on it for $10,000.00 Yep! That was a lot! And it was one heck of a nice car too!
This is what it looked like in about 2000
Last year I finally sold the car. It wasn't because I'd worn it out or it was getting old or it was falling apart. It was because I hadn't driven it in over 2 months. And that's only because I don't drive much anymore.
Here's what it looked like last summer when I sold it.
What's interesting to point out is that it pretty much looks like it did when I bought it. The paint was still in excellent condition, the body looked great, it wasn't a rust bucket, it still drove incredible (I always did like the way that thing drove!), and everything worked on it! All the power windows, all the accessories, all the bells & whistles, all of it...except the power antennae that I'd disconnected, but that was more my fault. Anyway, the point was that in 2008, a 1993 Honda Accord still can look good.
Now the rest of the story.
It had 225,000 miles on it! The engine ran like a top! It STILL got 29-30 MPG. When I listed it on KSL Classifieds, it was sold in under 48 hours (It would've sold faster but I wouldn't let anyone come & look at it on a Sunday as I'd posted it on a Saturday). My phone rang off the hook for this thing!
So, you're thinking I probably gave it away, right? Nope! I sold it for pretty darn close to full NADA Retail at the time; $2850.00.
So I got 10 years of use out of it, drove the crap out of it, it still looked good, still ran great, and people were calling like crazy to get it. It was 15 years old and they STILL were flocking to get it! Let's see a Chevy, Ford, or Dodge pull that trick!
But wait...the story continues.
About 2 years earlier we sold my wife's car (good riddens!). A 1991 Chevy Corsica (which I DID NOT BUY...I married into!) with a little over 175K miles on it. The car looked good, ran well, and for the most part was probably in better shape than most Chevy Corsica's out there, but we were only able to muster a meager $1400 out of the thing. It even had a nice set of alloy wheels and an upgraded set of seats we'd taken out of a neighbors junked LTZ Corsica.
So, why such a big difference? Well, perception and value.
Honda's have a much better perceived value. People perceive them to be better vehicles; and they are! If you ever take a look at Consumer Reports & compare a Chevy Corsica to a Honda Accord, the difference is a mile wide. The Honda comes out with top scores while the Corsica is near the bottom. Resale value? Same issue...The Honda pretty much retains some of the best resale values in the industry. The Corsica? $1400 measly dollars! And it had less miles, a V6, and better tread on the tires than the Honda!
So was the Honda that much better of a car?
You better believe it! The tranny in the Corsica had the overdrive disabled because if you re-enabled it, it'd stall (faulty electronics). The radiator was leaking. The gas gauge once it got to about a half a tank would start to flop between empty and a half tank. Did I mention that we had to replace the seats? The power windows worked...when they felt like it...and on and on and on.
The car was well taken care of too, yet with less miles it still wore out much faster than the Accord. The Accord still worked great!
So now lets talk about this whole GM Fiasco & what I think of it.
I think GM should be put out to pasture & let die. I think Chrysler should too.
In November, GM came crawling to the Feds, hat in hand, asking for "a meager $18 billion". Last Tuesday, they returned.....the new amount? $30 billion!!! And they say they'll probably need even more! And why is this? Because they're LOSING MONEY!!!!
And why are they losing money? Because no one wants to buy their cars....hmmmm....people are now on a budget; money is tight, and they're choosing to spend more wisely when they buy cars.....hmmmm...let's see, buy the car that'll devalue itself faster than a tire going flat and you'd be lucky to make it to 100K without something falling apart or get a Toyota or Honda & not have to worry about it.
You can see what the public has done. They've finally woken up & realized that GM makes really crappy cars! And now GM is crying to the federal government to bail them out of their loss crying that people will lose jobs and claiming that they're too big to let fail.
Sorry, but the one thing I learned in Business school is that if you run a business in America, it's "survival of the fittest" and I got news for GM...ya ain't all that fit anymore. It's time to die.
Unfortunately, I think the new administration will probably end up forking over some funds to help GM out & try to bail them out because of the democratic party's "pro-union" stance, and that's really sad.
Why? Because while it means it will keep people employed....it will also mean that the Federal Government is subsidizing a losing enterprise that doesn't seem to have any hope of ever turning around. In other words, because GM failed to innovate, they are now going to receive money from the Feds to keep their doors open and guess what? They're going to lose even MORE money! And whose money is that they're now losing? Why it's mine and yours! In the form of our tax dollars! Being pissed away on building cars by a company that can't seem to understand that if you build a crappy car people won't want to buy it given alternatives.
I'm really saddened by the prospect that GM and Chrysler will be "bailed out" by our government. It sends a pretty clear message to other "failing enterprises". Screw up big enough (I guess you have to REALLY screw up too and be REALLY big) and the Feds will step in and give you money that they really never intend to get back.
You know, I really hope they don't give them the money. I really hope they just let the dinosaur die. If GM goes into bankruptcy it would be the best thing in the world for them. It would mean they could restructure, lose the unions, maybe redesign how they do things and actually start building decent cars again that people may actually want to drive.
Until they get it figured out, I won't be visiting their dealership showrooms. Instead, I've chosen to show my patronage to a car company that actually seems to have figured out how to build a decent car. That'd be Toyota.
Now, before you go calling me terrible for buying a "foreign made" vehicle, remember, Toyota now has plants in the US that employ US citizens and they source many of their supplies for these cars from US suppliers. Sorry, I don't buy that line.
Sitting in my driveway right now are two Toyota's. That's all we own now.
A 2004 Toyota Sienna Minivan and a 2005 Toyota Tundra.
I love both of these cars! The Sienna drives like a dream and the Tundra drives even nicer! The engineering that's gone into these cars is just flat out amazing. Everything is put in the right place. The engines run smooth, they both drive extremely comfortably, and their resale value is just amazing!
Maybe down the road GM, Ford, & Chrysler (well, maybe only Ford seeing as GM & Chrysler could soon be a thing of the past) might actually figure it out...but until then, my hard earned money is going to be spent on things that actually will still be working 10-20 years down the road.
I have a feeling a lot more people feel the same way I do. The Toyota Camry has been the best selling car in America now for something like 10 years straight. Their minivans repeatedly take top reviews, and the Tundra is a thing of beauty in Consumer Reports eye (although I'm not enamored by the new Tundra's).
I really do hope that the domestics do get it figured out. It'd be really nice to see that happen, but after going through the 80's where the Japanese auto makers pretty much spanked them hard, then through the 90's where we saw a LITTLE comeback, but nothing strong, and now in the 2000's where they're just about ready to all close up, I just don't think it's getting through their thick skulls.
So, if anyone at GM, Ford, or Chrysler is listening, here's my tip. Build me a car that'll actually last 100,000 miles without it falling apart. Build it out of sheet metal that actually looks nice & that I'd be willing to buy (the Ford Taurus wins the prize for the ugliest car out there--same for the Chrysler Concord thingy, or whatever they call it). GM actually designs pretty nice cars, but I'm still not sold on their quality.
So what started this rant? Well, tonight I climbed into the Tundra & drove over to the local gas station and loved the trip! Everything about that truck rocks! The ride, the sound, the feel, the comfort...all of it. While driving that short trip I got to thinking about the latest headlines on GM & thought, "Yep! Ya really do reap what you sow"....unfortunately GM is trying to get you & I to foot the bill for their irresponsible management. I really hope it doesn't happen.
Graydon
Avid Toyota fan
Thursday, February 19, 2009
25 things....
I too have been tagged several times by this...so let's see if I can think of 25 things.
1- I will not even consider coloring my hair. It is too expensive and too time consuming; although I did lighten my hair ever so slightly with peroxide.
2- I have a relaxation technique where I listen to a nice instrumental song and picture myself walking through a sunlit garden with a fountain and greenery everywhere. I think I need to try this more often.
3- I have very violent dreams.
4- If I am watching a show or movie and someone dies. I automatically imagine myself being killed that way. Thrillers are not for me.
5- I have a tremor in my left hand. I cannot control the shaking and most of the time people think that I am just really nervous.
6- I really do not like animals!
7- I grew up with a lot of animals: Dogs, cats, pigeons, rabbits, snakes, lizards, tarantulas, hampsters, rats, parakeets, cockatils, frogs, ducks, chickens, guinea pigs...you get the point.
8- When I was little I loved to save money. I would enjoy just watching it grow and count it all the time. It was hard to think of spending it. Usually someone stole it.
9- I used to hate the fact that I didn't have a middle name. I once asked my mom what I would have to do to get a middle name, when she told me I decided it wasn't worth the effort.
10- I hate the feel of chalk. I can hardly stand to write on a chalk board. It just sends chills through me to even think about it.
11- I am not a party person. I get aggitated if I am around too many people for too long. I enjoy more intimate groups.
12- I once had the first 50 LDS Temples memorized according to dedication date.
13- I really don't like Harry Potter or much fantasy.
14- I love to play boardgames and I am so happy that my kids are getting old enough to play since my husband doesn't enjoy it. However, I don't enjoy games like cherades where you make a fool of yourself.
15- I don't like nuts of any kind, but I will eat them if necessary.
16- I don't like seafood. You will never catch me fishing. why catch something I won't eat.
17- I once chopped a HUGE limb off our tree with a hatchet and realized how stupid the act was after the heavy limb was hanging over a fence.
18- I love to crochet, but I haven't had the time for it lately.
19- I sucked my thumb when I was little.
20- As I girl I loved to take peanut butter and butter and mix them together on my finger and lick it off. Back then I thought it was good. Sometimes I would add some sugar.
21- I hate burping. I can tolerate it when the person can't control it, but if it is forced for fun I can't stand it.
22- Another thing that sends chills through me is when people pop their knuckles.
23- I have only been to one concert in my life...the Backstreet Boys.
24- My left eyebrow sits higher than my right...at least I think so.
25- I love to sit around a campfire, but I dont' really enjoy the whole Tent experience.
26- (I just thought of another) I grew up Utah-the greatest snow on earth-but I have never been skiing.
1- I will not even consider coloring my hair. It is too expensive and too time consuming; although I did lighten my hair ever so slightly with peroxide.
2- I have a relaxation technique where I listen to a nice instrumental song and picture myself walking through a sunlit garden with a fountain and greenery everywhere. I think I need to try this more often.
3- I have very violent dreams.
4- If I am watching a show or movie and someone dies. I automatically imagine myself being killed that way. Thrillers are not for me.
5- I have a tremor in my left hand. I cannot control the shaking and most of the time people think that I am just really nervous.
6- I really do not like animals!
7- I grew up with a lot of animals: Dogs, cats, pigeons, rabbits, snakes, lizards, tarantulas, hampsters, rats, parakeets, cockatils, frogs, ducks, chickens, guinea pigs...you get the point.
8- When I was little I loved to save money. I would enjoy just watching it grow and count it all the time. It was hard to think of spending it. Usually someone stole it.
9- I used to hate the fact that I didn't have a middle name. I once asked my mom what I would have to do to get a middle name, when she told me I decided it wasn't worth the effort.
10- I hate the feel of chalk. I can hardly stand to write on a chalk board. It just sends chills through me to even think about it.
11- I am not a party person. I get aggitated if I am around too many people for too long. I enjoy more intimate groups.
12- I once had the first 50 LDS Temples memorized according to dedication date.
13- I really don't like Harry Potter or much fantasy.
14- I love to play boardgames and I am so happy that my kids are getting old enough to play since my husband doesn't enjoy it. However, I don't enjoy games like cherades where you make a fool of yourself.
15- I don't like nuts of any kind, but I will eat them if necessary.
16- I don't like seafood. You will never catch me fishing. why catch something I won't eat.
17- I once chopped a HUGE limb off our tree with a hatchet and realized how stupid the act was after the heavy limb was hanging over a fence.
18- I love to crochet, but I haven't had the time for it lately.
19- I sucked my thumb when I was little.
20- As I girl I loved to take peanut butter and butter and mix them together on my finger and lick it off. Back then I thought it was good. Sometimes I would add some sugar.
21- I hate burping. I can tolerate it when the person can't control it, but if it is forced for fun I can't stand it.
22- Another thing that sends chills through me is when people pop their knuckles.
23- I have only been to one concert in my life...the Backstreet Boys.
24- My left eyebrow sits higher than my right...at least I think so.
25- I love to sit around a campfire, but I dont' really enjoy the whole Tent experience.
26- (I just thought of another) I grew up Utah-the greatest snow on earth-but I have never been skiing.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Dolls in a row
When Emily was just a baby we had a friend, who had two kids, come over for some computer help. When he saw this little ledge on the side of our stairs he said that it would be a place that kids would put toys. When I saw what Emily had done with her dolls I thought of what he had said and laughed.
They have been there for two days.
Yahtzee Telephone
Laurie is so smart! She understands so much of what is going on around her. she is already starting to try to use the phone. She gets her blanket when you ask her to and she even let me paint her toenails tonight. She is a lot of fun.
Married 8 years
I know this is four days late, but I've been busy. I can't believe that it has been eight years. So much has happened. I am married to the best man in the world and I have three beautiful children. I love my life and I look forward to many more years ahead.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Taxes, Taxes, Oh Where Do My Taxes Go?
I got a kick out of these two jokes/analogies about taxes & the economic stimulus package.
The Economic Stimulus Package
This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala
(unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.
And none of it will help the American economy.
We need to keep that money here in America.
You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.
Barstool Economics
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first (poor) would pay nothing.
The second (poor) would pay nothing.
The third (poor) would pay nothing.
the fourth (poor) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers, he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes, so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay And so:
The first would still pay nothing.
The second would still pay nothing.
The third would still pay nothing.
The fourth would still pay nothing.
The fifth man now paid nothing (100% savings)
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before.
And the first four continued to drink for free.
But once outside the restaurant the men began to compare their savings.
I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!'
'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!' That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!' 'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important.
They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works!!
The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
by David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics, University of Georgia
The Economic Stimulus Package
This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala
(unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.
And none of it will help the American economy.
We need to keep that money here in America.
You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.
Barstool Economics
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first (poor) would pay nothing.
The second (poor) would pay nothing.
The third (poor) would pay nothing.
the fourth (poor) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers, he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes, so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay And so:
The first would still pay nothing.
The second would still pay nothing.
The third would still pay nothing.
The fourth would still pay nothing.
The fifth man now paid nothing (100% savings)
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before.
And the first four continued to drink for free.
But once outside the restaurant the men began to compare their savings.
I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!'
'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!' That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!' 'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important.
They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works!!
The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
by David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics, University of Georgia
Monday, February 9, 2009
Yep! I'm A Conservative. Now Where's My [Root]Beer?
I get funny things from people all the time, and every now & then I run across one that I think is "Blogable".
If you've ever met me or known me for a while, you probably know that I have typically "conservative" views. I'm a Republican and a capitalist. Don't really care much for socialism. Think Big Government is just a way to tax me more and think a more "hands-off" approach is better. Yep. I believe in the free economy.
My view on the banks? Let em fail! They were stupid enough to loan people money that could never pay the money back.
My view on all the people that bought houses they couldn't afford & want the government to bail them out. Tough cookies. That's why they teach you to read the fine print folks.
My view on the American Auto Companies, Let em fail! They built crappy cars and whined when no one bought them.
Before reading this, it should be noted that while I don't drink beer, I do, however love a nice, tall glass of cold ROOT Beer.
So, with that, I present
HISTORY LESSON - 2009
For those who don't know about history ... here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboy's, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self...
"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have"---Thomas Jefferson
If you've ever met me or known me for a while, you probably know that I have typically "conservative" views. I'm a Republican and a capitalist. Don't really care much for socialism. Think Big Government is just a way to tax me more and think a more "hands-off" approach is better. Yep. I believe in the free economy.
My view on the banks? Let em fail! They were stupid enough to loan people money that could never pay the money back.
My view on all the people that bought houses they couldn't afford & want the government to bail them out. Tough cookies. That's why they teach you to read the fine print folks.
My view on the American Auto Companies, Let em fail! They built crappy cars and whined when no one bought them.
Before reading this, it should be noted that while I don't drink beer, I do, however love a nice, tall glass of cold ROOT Beer.
So, with that, I present
HISTORY LESSON - 2009
For those who don't know about history ... here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboy's, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self...
"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have"---Thomas Jefferson
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Canon Rebel XSi DSLR Camera - Wow! What a camera!
In about November of last year I finally decided to replace my Olympus C-5050 digital camera. I bought it in 2003 when Emily was born & used the crap out of the thing (when it was all said & done I think I'd taken over 15,000 pictures with it).
Anyway, the battery cover wasn't working anymore, the hand grip was long gone, and, well, it needed to be replaced....
Enter the Nikon D40.
As I started researching camera's, I became enamored with the Nikon D40 DSLR. Mainly because of a website that just gushed with praise over it (http://www.kenrockwell.com) and others....
Anyway, my main goal for a camera is for product photography. I really don't care about lenses, flashes, or all the other things they can do. I just need a camera that can take a super crisp, super sharp picture for my business (http://www.utahbio.com).
Initially, the D40 seemed to be doing well, but I kept noticing super fuzzy images no matter how hard I tried to focus the thing.
Lot's more reading & studying.....
Enter the ultimate product photography camera.
The Canon Rebel XSi!
Holy Crap! This thing is just amazing!
It comes with an 18-55 Image Stabilized Lens and a sweet camera body.
The Nikon is a lot easier to use, feels better in my hands, and just feels a little more substantial. The menu's are easier to use too on the Nikon....but...and this is the important part....the image quality from the Canon just blows the Nikon clean out of the water!
Within a couple of hours I was able to shoot some of the most amazingly sharp pictures I'd seen. Now THIS is what I'd wanted!
Another really cool feature about the XSi's (and most of Canon's camera's) is the ability to "tether" them to a computer to shoot with.
In otherwords, imagine the camera up on a tripod, USB cable hooked to it & the other end into a computer. On the computer you load software that allows you to control the camera. On the monitor you're able to see what the camera's seeing. Apparently, most Canon digital camera's can do this (even the small point and shoot ones). Don't know, haven't tried those yet.
But here's where the XSi REALLY shines!
You can Micro focus it with a computer!
So imagine that your now looking at your laptop that's hooked up to the camera and you're seeing what the camera see's on the laptop. With a quick click of some buttons you can manually adjust the focus on the camera. MUCH, MUCH more accurately than any human hand could do (I mean these are MICRO movements!).
I set up a shot, turned on the lights (I have special photo lights), put the product in front of the camera, turned on the laptop and was just amazed at how clear I could get the photos! "Now THIS is cool!"
The XSi also has LiveView on it too (meaning you can look at the screen & see what the lens is seeing. This is kind of rare in a DSLR, but a really nice treat. While many of you may be familiar with point & shoot digital camera's where live view is standard, DSLR's don't normally have that feature (because there's a mirror that has to get flipped up in order for the sensor to see through the lens).
Anyway, having that feature plus being able to hook it up to a computer & see the photo on a much bigger screen now allows me to shoot much, much more sharp pictures that are in focus.
So, if you're looking for a camera that's ideal for shooting product photography (you know, stuff you may want to sell online), this thing is the cat's meow!
I'll be getting a 50 mm Prime Lens for it soon as well as I hear that's even sharper than the cheap kit lens that comes with it, but man, I'm totally sold! Just utterly amazing!
Soo.....with that, Hello Canon! Good-bye Nikon!
It's good to have a tool that works again!
-Graydon
Canon XSi fan!
Anyway, the battery cover wasn't working anymore, the hand grip was long gone, and, well, it needed to be replaced....
Enter the Nikon D40.
As I started researching camera's, I became enamored with the Nikon D40 DSLR. Mainly because of a website that just gushed with praise over it (http://www.kenrockwell.com) and others....
Anyway, my main goal for a camera is for product photography. I really don't care about lenses, flashes, or all the other things they can do. I just need a camera that can take a super crisp, super sharp picture for my business (http://www.utahbio.com).
Initially, the D40 seemed to be doing well, but I kept noticing super fuzzy images no matter how hard I tried to focus the thing.
Lot's more reading & studying.....
Enter the ultimate product photography camera.
The Canon Rebel XSi!
Holy Crap! This thing is just amazing!
It comes with an 18-55 Image Stabilized Lens and a sweet camera body.
The Nikon is a lot easier to use, feels better in my hands, and just feels a little more substantial. The menu's are easier to use too on the Nikon....but...and this is the important part....the image quality from the Canon just blows the Nikon clean out of the water!
Within a couple of hours I was able to shoot some of the most amazingly sharp pictures I'd seen. Now THIS is what I'd wanted!
Another really cool feature about the XSi's (and most of Canon's camera's) is the ability to "tether" them to a computer to shoot with.
In otherwords, imagine the camera up on a tripod, USB cable hooked to it & the other end into a computer. On the computer you load software that allows you to control the camera. On the monitor you're able to see what the camera's seeing. Apparently, most Canon digital camera's can do this (even the small point and shoot ones). Don't know, haven't tried those yet.
But here's where the XSi REALLY shines!
You can Micro focus it with a computer!
So imagine that your now looking at your laptop that's hooked up to the camera and you're seeing what the camera see's on the laptop. With a quick click of some buttons you can manually adjust the focus on the camera. MUCH, MUCH more accurately than any human hand could do (I mean these are MICRO movements!).
I set up a shot, turned on the lights (I have special photo lights), put the product in front of the camera, turned on the laptop and was just amazed at how clear I could get the photos! "Now THIS is cool!"
The XSi also has LiveView on it too (meaning you can look at the screen & see what the lens is seeing. This is kind of rare in a DSLR, but a really nice treat. While many of you may be familiar with point & shoot digital camera's where live view is standard, DSLR's don't normally have that feature (because there's a mirror that has to get flipped up in order for the sensor to see through the lens).
Anyway, having that feature plus being able to hook it up to a computer & see the photo on a much bigger screen now allows me to shoot much, much more sharp pictures that are in focus.
So, if you're looking for a camera that's ideal for shooting product photography (you know, stuff you may want to sell online), this thing is the cat's meow!
I'll be getting a 50 mm Prime Lens for it soon as well as I hear that's even sharper than the cheap kit lens that comes with it, but man, I'm totally sold! Just utterly amazing!
Soo.....with that, Hello Canon! Good-bye Nikon!
It's good to have a tool that works again!
-Graydon
Canon XSi fan!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The Wisdom Of A Child
This was sent to me in an email and I loved it & thought many of you might as well...
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Hope you enjoyed!
-Graydon
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Hope you enjoyed!
-Graydon
"Are your ears glued shut?"
I think Emily's ears are glued shut....well, only when she's asked to do things that is.
I don't know if it's a phase that she's going through or what, but lately, when she's asked to do something (pick something up, lower her voice, go to the bathroom, etc) she just acts like she doesn't hear you. When the issue is forced, she gets upset.
I think she could win the drama queen award for the child that puts up the loudest fits over the smallest things too. It's amazing because when the issue IS pressed, and we finally think she's heard us she goes into this tyrade & you'd think you'd asked her to do the worst thing in the world.
She's also has this thing for hitting her brother lately. Her poor Jasmine doll has been taken away more than she's been able to play with it lately too (if she hits, she loses Jasmine). You'd think she'd catch on...
I'm sure it's just a phase, but Bill Cosby had it right when he said "Children have brain damage". I never realized just how true the things he said were until having children. The man knew what he was talking about.
I'm hoping this is just a phase she's going through though & soon the ears will open back up, but for now she's using some awfully strong super glue to keep em shut...
In other news, she now dresses herself all by herself. She lays her clothes out the night before & before she even comes upstairs for the morning, she gets all dressed & ready for school. She's really growing up.
Josh is even getting in on the action by laying out his clothes too (he loves to do what big sister does). He even picked out a whole outfit one day unbeknown to mom. He's sure growing up as well & SLOWLY figuring out the whole potty thing for #2.
Laurie is also becoming more & more independent all the time. She now can scale the stairs on her own and can hold her own when playing with her brother & sister. She loves to laugh & smile and is doing well. She's getting really close to the 20 lb mark & we're really excited because then she can sit forward in the car, which I'm sure will thrill her to no end because then she'll be able to see the movies her brother & sister are watching.
Yep! They're all growing up....now if we can just figure out how to get the glue off Emily's ears we'll be set!
I don't know if it's a phase that she's going through or what, but lately, when she's asked to do something (pick something up, lower her voice, go to the bathroom, etc) she just acts like she doesn't hear you. When the issue is forced, she gets upset.
I think she could win the drama queen award for the child that puts up the loudest fits over the smallest things too. It's amazing because when the issue IS pressed, and we finally think she's heard us she goes into this tyrade & you'd think you'd asked her to do the worst thing in the world.
She's also has this thing for hitting her brother lately. Her poor Jasmine doll has been taken away more than she's been able to play with it lately too (if she hits, she loses Jasmine). You'd think she'd catch on...
I'm sure it's just a phase, but Bill Cosby had it right when he said "Children have brain damage". I never realized just how true the things he said were until having children. The man knew what he was talking about.
I'm hoping this is just a phase she's going through though & soon the ears will open back up, but for now she's using some awfully strong super glue to keep em shut...
In other news, she now dresses herself all by herself. She lays her clothes out the night before & before she even comes upstairs for the morning, she gets all dressed & ready for school. She's really growing up.
Josh is even getting in on the action by laying out his clothes too (he loves to do what big sister does). He even picked out a whole outfit one day unbeknown to mom. He's sure growing up as well & SLOWLY figuring out the whole potty thing for #2.
Laurie is also becoming more & more independent all the time. She now can scale the stairs on her own and can hold her own when playing with her brother & sister. She loves to laugh & smile and is doing well. She's getting really close to the 20 lb mark & we're really excited because then she can sit forward in the car, which I'm sure will thrill her to no end because then she'll be able to see the movies her brother & sister are watching.
Yep! They're all growing up....now if we can just figure out how to get the glue off Emily's ears we'll be set!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The Only REAL Reason For Watching The Superbowl....
....is for the commercials.
I'm a nut for good advertising and am always impressed by what comes out at the Superbowl. This is the time when companies spend the kitty to make some of the most brilliant advertising commercials in the world.
You can watch all of them here:
http://www.youtube.com/adblitz
Here's my all time favorites from this round though.
"If Roadies Ran The Airlines" by Sprint
"Bridgestone Tires On The Moon"
This one was just stupid....
"Cash For Gold"
Anyway, another round of pretty good advertising. It was obvious that this year the spending money was low though with several advertisers. Several of the ads just didn't have that "Superbowl Pizazz" they usually have had in the past, but there were still some pretty good zingers.
Good stuff all around.
-Graydon
I'm a nut for good advertising and am always impressed by what comes out at the Superbowl. This is the time when companies spend the kitty to make some of the most brilliant advertising commercials in the world.
You can watch all of them here:
http://www.youtube.com/adblitz
Here's my all time favorites from this round though.
"If Roadies Ran The Airlines" by Sprint
"Bridgestone Tires On The Moon"
This one was just stupid....
"Cash For Gold"
Anyway, another round of pretty good advertising. It was obvious that this year the spending money was low though with several advertisers. Several of the ads just didn't have that "Superbowl Pizazz" they usually have had in the past, but there were still some pretty good zingers.
Good stuff all around.
-Graydon
Monday, February 2, 2009
Goodbye Dear John, You'll Be Missed....
http://www.ksl.com/?nid=333&sid=5316386
Funeral services were held for this porcelain thrown over the weekend. He'll be sorely missed by all......except those that thought he was just full of crap.
I laughed so hard when I saw this. Valerie saw it in an email sent to her by a relative. I thought the rest of you would enjoy.
Be sure to read the comments to the story, some of them are hilarious!
(from a marketers point of view it's BRILLIANT advertising!)
Enjoy!
-Graydon
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